alison and david | charleston, sc

I grew up with a best cousin friend who was nearly exactly my age.  I had 4 younger sisters and she had 2 older brothers.  So going to each other's home was always new and exciting.  David is one of the older brothers.  He tormented me as a girl (folding me up in the folding couch and hiding under our bed) and I loved it.  

David is really special to me.  I've always loved his quiet and wild heart.  I spent endless summers watching him in the ocean mastering anything athletic he touched.  When I think of him, I see him coming in from the ocean with his twinkly eyes, giant smile and his salty hair.  

David has those same twinkly eyes for Alison.   

Really the first good amount of time I spent with his bride was the morning of her wedding.  I spent a few relaxing hours at their rental house with her family who flew from Scotland to celebrate.  And what a sweet morning it was!  Chatting and dancing and drinking tea and eating biscuits. As the hours ticked by my heart felt more and more glad that my dear cousin got to spend the rest of his life with this woman.  Not only is she kind but she is genuine through and through.  Not only is she strong (hello crossfit!) but she is gentle.  

Alison and David had their first look at his parent's home in Charleston, SC where the summer sun pierced through the draping spanish moss in the most romantic of ways.

They had their intimate ceremony on the water at Cottage on the Creek on Shem Creek.  During their ceremony they honored their parents beautifully and also honored David's daughter Jenna Kate with family vows.  

As soon as they were pronounced husband and wife the sky poured down with a torrential summer rainstorm!  Despite heavy rain, the party didn't even waver.  The cocktail hour was cozy and intimate and everywhere I looked there were smiles and laughter.    

Every wedding I do I look through my camera and document so many new faces.  Even though they are just faces to me, I know each one is beloved and treasured by the bride and groom.  It was really special to really know and love the people on the other side this go around; my great Aunt Lucy, who I named my daughter after, my cousin who I have 90% of my childhood memories with, and so many other loved ones.   

I entered the wedding day completely positive that the dance floor would be hopping that night. No shadow of a doubt.  And I wasn't disappointed.  The dance floor was opened after the bride and groom interrupted their traditional first dance with the Whip and Nay Nay and the fun just went up from there.  The whole evening was filled to the brim with laughter, good food, dance and so.much.fun.  I might have even done the worm at one point...

ceremony and reception : cottage on the creek

make up and hair: blushair

floral: my sweet aunt robin's garden

sometimes it hurts

sometimes it hurts when wiggly teeth come out

sometimes it hurts to nurse your sweaty baby and know it could be the last

sometimes it hurts to be so tired and weary that it feels like you can’t take another step

sometimes it hurts to look back weeks later and ache at the love

sometimes it hurts when you love your baby so much but can’t stop his tears

sometimes it hurts to watch him climb higher and higher without you

sometimes it hurts to not be able to be with your love because a million tiny things keep you busy-important things

sometimes it hurts to see your baby’s cautious steps and know that next year she’ll be sure footed

sometimes it hurts to see your child covered in dirt and happier than he has ever been

sometimes it hurts to watch everyone you love from a distance and know that tomorrow isn’t promised

sometimes it hurts to breathe because love fills your heart

sometimes it hurts to push through crying and whining and packing and so many other unpleasant things

but it always is worth it to be together

sometimes I think hurt must be love

that ache so deep for things to be frozen so you can drink in one more moment of that time in life

Fondly remembering this little trip we took in May to celebrate our 11 year anniversary.  It was the time that Lucy had an ear ache and Barclay’s tooth almost fell out.  It was a time of pausing-even if just for a day.  It was a time when my love for Noah had never been stronger and his beard had never been fuller.  It was a time when Sullivan dug for hours in dirt without saying a word.  It was a time when my body and soul was so weary that I just sat and watched from afar with tears falling.  

My family.  

My family.  

This day breathed life back into me.  Every day we adventure together does.     

a lament of hope

I would say my ideal social situation is hanging out with 3-8 people where my voice can be heard and where, frankly, I am often the center of attention.

Situations I often find myself in and which I don't necessarily love is when I am one in a crowd of voices.  I tend to retreat and push down my feelings because I don't feel like anyone cares what I have to say. 

This week my social media was flooded with brilliant words and thoughts on the shootings this week.  And a LOT of people just lamenting how things are. 

I just retreated because in a sea of voices, who cares about mine?

And then in church this morning our friend and pastor asked God to forgive our apathy and then proceeded to pray for each victim and their families by name.  Big wet tears dripped into my lap.

I don't have the right words and I feel like I'm flooded with unjust killings every single day, so it's easy to retreat and let other voices do the talking.  

What else can I do?!  Black lives not only matter to me but they enrich my life! I kind of want to jump up and down and say "It's not me!  It's not me!"  But yet my friends are posting about their husbands being thrown down to the ground unjustly and not feeling safe when they drive.  My eyes are opened to thought patterns outside of my own.  And I can't do anything but love those around me and teach my children to do the same.    

On the flip side, my sister, who I guard like a mama bear, is a wonderful cop who feels the tension rising each day she goes to work.  I want her to be able to do her job AND return to her daughter after each shift.  The emotions of these senseless killings have spread like wildfire and it makes me fear for her life.       

I think I am not and never will be surprised by the disregard for life  or the evils in the hearts of others...and especially evil in my own heart.  It is how it always has been and will continue to be until heaven comes to earth.  

Why do people around the world run to the edge of the ocean with their toes dipped in and stare out at the vastness.  

It's because it declares the glory of God and gives a glimpse into a time when for eternity, peace and love will flow.

Why is my beloved forrest being overrun with thousands of people walking to the edge of a mountain and letting their heart be opened to the smallness of themselves?

It's because it declares the glory of God and points to His powerful love and his caring for each of His children no matter what their color or job.

Why do I run to the river every time I can't think or when my heart is sad? Standing there at the edge with my toes in freezing cold water and the rushing current washing away the groans and hurts of my heart?

It's because it declares the glory of God and for a moment reminds me that this, this tumultuous life full of painful decisions and sick friends and unjust killings is not how it is supposed to be.  

God is grieved.  His wrath for the unjust evil in the world is just how you want a father to react. 

So until then I will keep singing and praying these words to my favorite hymn, 

"Tune my heart to sing thy grace"

I want to be so bound to the heart of God that His grace comes out of me.  Grace for people who are blinded to their own evil.  Grace for those who act out of fear and not love.  

So if you see me by the ocean or on top of a mountain with my arms outstretched and tears streaming down my face, come up next to me dear sister and brother and grab onto my hand and weep with me and hope with me.