a peaceful induction | melanie's story

The first time I knew that Melanie was going to be a life long friend, I was bent over a couch with 200 tiny splinters in my bum and the WORST SUNBURN I've ever had.  That was spring break freshman year and we've been friends ever since.

For Mel's first birth she was rushed to an early c section for pre eclampsia and delivered two tiny baby girls (one named after me!).  For her second birth, she asked me to be her doula and she had an all natural VBAC!  That birth was all kinds of hard, and it was LONG...but she did it.  

So when the birth of her 4th child came up, she was very hesitant...that labor pain was still so fresh.  It ended up that baby number 4 needed a little extra coaxing to join the world and Mel was induced one beautiful October morning.  We all braced ourselves for an augmented labor and how crazy it was probably going to be...and it just wasn't.  Clark was born after a very short and calm labor (ok it got a little wild at the very end;), but overall it was completely wonderful. Once he was born and handed over we were just all in shock that he was already here!  His older brother had taken over a full day to make his way earth side.  The whole experience was surreal.  

I loved seeing Mel bond hard with that baby.  I loved seeing her and Ed slow dancing when things got intense and she needed him.  I loved chatting over sandwiches about motherhood as we watched the sun set from the room.

And then the troops came to visit.  It's pretty unbelievable to have known and loved someone so long.  I saw Mel as an insecure freshman...all the way to being a beautiful mother of 4.  4 precious babies.  The room was filled with squeals and giggles as the newest Murdock met his clan and I was just so freaking happy to be there.

To Lucy Miller on her 2nd Birthday

Oh my beautiful, darling girl, it is your second birthday today.  I am so grateful that my heart can celebrate instead of mourn because I have enjoyed every freaking second so far.  I constantly chose you over all the little things that don't actually matter and because of that, my heart is bursting with memories and thousands of hours of just staring at you and kissing you.  

Very few things are as good as I hope they would be...but you, my sunshine girl, you are beyond what I ever dreamed of.  Truly.  Your life has been a pure and simple gift.   

You are funny!  I noticed even before you could talk that you were playing little jokes on me.  You love a good laugh.

You are tiny!  Still wearing a lot of 12 month clothes but you are mighty and brave!  You also didn't walk till 16 months and don't talk nearly as much as the boys did.  I'm kind of happy about that.  You're still so babyish.  

You love your pack pack (back pack) and want to wear one around the house at all times.

I love how you enthusiastically say yyyyyyaaaasssshhhhhhh for yes after everything I ask you.  

You are not hesitant to get out there and do!  You will jump in a puddle or swim in a river.  You're my fearless girl.

You are the gentlest nurturer.  You spend hours putting beebees night night.  Rocking and singing to them, kissing them, nursing them.  I'm in HEAVEN watching you.

You still nurse several times a day.  Can't vouch you're getting much but I adore it, and I'm just so grateful you're still wanting that sweet time with me.

You trot around town like you own the world and are constantly wanting to know where your men folk are.  You adore you boys and your daddy.  A regular occurrence is you, running ahead and then stopping to cup your hands over your mouth only to yell out "boooooooooooysh!"  

You are a little performer and just adore people delighting in you.  You rarely get mad but when someone isn't noticing how adorable you're being, you like to let them know.  Ha!

When you run, you lift your little arms high up so your shoulders are shrugged and wiggle back and forth like a waddling duck.  You always look like a busy body trying to do something important.

You always run to me and when I catch you up in my arms you loop your arms around my neck and sqeeze with all your might with your cheek pressing into mine.  

You love the water just like the others and can go under and paddle already.  A little fish. 

You love noodles and TV.  You call them both noooonules

You love ssssssooooooooozzzz (shoes)

Your eyes sparkle like water on a sunny day and your smile makes everyone feel like they are special.

Being your mama is just the greatest.  Thank you for the beautiful lessons you've already taught me.  

With all my love, 

Your mama

jessica's story | the home birth of forest

A little over two years ago, I attended the birth of the 3rd baby girl in the sweetest family.  While mama brought their sister into the world, the older two watched with wide eyed wonder.  They were the sweetest little doulas, always rubbing mama's back and giving her water.  I was just over the moon excited when I found out that baby number four was expected and that this birth would be taking place at home.  And it would be at home on the birthing day that they would find out if they would have 4 girls or their first boy.

Something had changed in Jessica since her last birth.  There was a deep belief in her body that wasn't there last time.  And even though I could see her doubting at times if her decision to birth at home was the right one, an overwhelming peace would soon overtake her.  I rarely have seen a woman so surrendered before labor even started.  

Everything was ready, everything was nearly perfect for baby's arrival.  All we had to do was wait and that is sometimes the hardest part. During the waiting and the wonderful anticipation of new life, Jessica got the heartbreaking news that her brother had died unexpectedly.  I received a devastated text from her letting me know and she expressed such grief and so much anxiety about having that baby in her arms safe and sound. Broken hearts have such an ability to weaken even the strongest of people.  Jessica was broken hearted and weak and suddenly a home birth seemed nearly impossible to even think about.  Two days later, in the middle of the pouring rain of Hurricane Joaquin, I got the call that her water had broken.

I arrived to little girls excitedly running around, finishing their breakfasts and a mama in active labor.  Joy and sorrow filled the air.  Tender little hands rubbed and helped, loving women surrounded and gently encouraged, and mama clung to her love like he was her rock in a stormy sea.  It wasn't long before a baby was born and big sister announced that it was a little boy. After the tears and the shocked squeals died down there was this collective exhale in the room. He was here. He was safe.  Joy had come during mourning and I couldn't help but think about the significance of bringing a son into the world the same week a son had left it.  

This baby is adored.  I was in heaven just clicking away as sisters held and cradled and giggled and oooohed and aaaaaahed at their baby.  Grilled cheese sandwiches were made and mama settled into her own bed, her hard work was done and her patience and belief in her body had paid off.  Daddy was still just grinning ear to ear in disbelief that he had a son at last.  

These images tell a beautiful story, Forest's story.  It is fringed in sorrows and will always be a reminder of a time of intense grief.  I am so grateful to this family for letting me be there to tell it. New life is always a time to be in awe of the wonder of it all, and it gives us hope, beautiful, beautiful hope.