the birth of milo | kris and maria's story

I met Kris and Maria in a local coffee shop and fell instantly in love with them. We all connected in a million tiny ways. I was honored to hear their story-5 failed IUIs for Kris, a miscarriage for Maria- and then finally their journey to meet baby Milo began. I was thrilled when they asked me to be their doula.

During our prenatals, it became clear that the main thing Maria, as the birthing mother, needed was to feel that she was in control, even though she knew she couldn’t really be (because not having control is birth in a nutshell). We set up plans and back up plans and talked about all the options. In the end they went into the birth with open hands and a kick ass birth team.

Things began with a hiccup as Maria developed gestational diabetes that was hard to control and induction was talked about and then decided upon. Before Maria could even lament, there were cheers from every direction for the informed choice that SHE had made. When they went home to have one last good nights sleep and get everything ready….her water broke. They both stuck around to finish the season finale of Masked Singer (which seriously cracked me up) and then they headed in to have their baby! Maria labored for 25 hours. Those hours were filled with tender moments as Kris supported her every need. They were filled with moments we all held our breath, prayed and watched her do the work that no one else could do for her…and it was freaking hard work. I saw her let go of her plans but she did it from a place of strength, not coercion.

The magic of watching parents be born is equally as magic as watching a baby be born and this was especially true of these two women. I couldn’t stop crying as I watched their faces go from shocked to elated to dumbfounded.

Milo Jax was born into an ocean of deep love and I feel honored to have been a witness to it all. I am so thankful for the gift of the birth photos that I’m able to snap in between doula support…they tell the story so well.

a january wedding | sam + whitney

She keeps it simple
And I am thankful for her kind of lovin'
'Cause it's simple

She's talkin' to me with her voice
Down so low I barely hear her
But I know what she's sayin'
I understand because my heart and hers are the same
And in January we're gettin' married

-The Avett Brothers, January Wedding

Those lyrics rung so true to me on that stormy January night when Sam and Whitney married. These are some of my favorite parts of their wedding:

-every single groomsman and of course the groom were musicians so they jammed out while I took pictures and drank coffee.

-groom wearing his great grandfather’s hat.

-whitney practicing mandolin for the ceremony with the most peaceful look on her face.

-the giggly bridesmaids in the coldest air.

-tables draped with eucalyptus and decorated with succulents.

-stepping back and watching everyone they loved singing as they played mandolin and guitar together.

-rushing to the parking lot of target and seeing mountain views even in the storm.

-going to sonic for a milkshake since we only took 3 minutes to take pictures.

-the coziness of that place while bitter cold winds and icy rain surrounded us outside.

-kids running everywhere and no one hushing them.

-a table of pies lovingly baked by friends and family.

-THE JAM SESSION.

As always I am grateful for kindred spirit, artist clients who just let me do my thing.

*groom’s band and amazing new album "Honey and Blood”

*the most romantic bouquets by Fern and Flora Studios

to sullivan on his 8th birthday

oh my little valentine,

Today you are 8 years old. What a sweet little mystery you are to me. You are usually very quiet and engaged in something you love (drawing intricate dragons, finding bugs or fish or reading usually). We’ve had your hearing tested several times because you simply do not hear anyone when you are engrossed like that.

This summer Daddy and I took you on a special solo trip to visit Aunt Jaja and Uncle Daniel in Colorado. You came out of your shell so much and talked almost completely non stop. We went to the most amazing zoo where you had your fill of animals but your favorite part of the trip was their hot tub. Every night you would jump in by yourself and just chill.

Sullivan, this past year has been SO HARD. Barclay has needed almost all of my attention and you my precious one, have gotten the scraps of me. You never complain but I see you sinking deeper into yourself, retreating from all the hurt and I just want to dive in and save you. I only have so much though. I am praying and dedicating this year to learning more about you and pouring myself into loving you. I want to draw you out and let you grow.

Because you don’t get all of me during our chaotic days, you slip into my bed in the wee morning hours and curl your body around mine. We go in and out of trying to get you to stay in your bed but deep down I know you’re just quietly filling your love bucket in the ways you can.

Your gentleness is one of my favorite parts of you, Sullivan. I love when we get a break from Barclay and it’s just you and Lucy. You talk a sing song baby talk to her and are always protecting her and teaching her.

You still love animals and exploring. When we went to the PNW you were always wet , head down in a tide pool. You can find the tiniest creature out of what looks like nothingness.

You have my mental energy…you frequently “just cannot do things” (hills being one of the things we “cannot” do), you don’t like mornings and you barely can talk when you haven’t had food recently.

You are so kind at school and have lots of friends. You wanted to get this special award at school and you worked hard and got it. You came alive with recognition even though I just assumed that it wouldn’t mean much. That’s what I’m talking about. I need to know you more deeply. I want to know you more deeply.

Sullivan, thanks for binding up wounds, whispering your love to me when I can’t lift my head and making me laugh. You are complete love in human form and I am always, always, always in awe that you are mine.

mama